Teens - Advice On Relationships

Josh McDowell, in the "Handbook on Counseling Youth," asserts that "teens (like many adults) don't really know what love is; they confuse real love with other experiences and emotions" (p 115). Here is a realistic and biblical understanding of true love - what it is and what it isn't.

WHAT LOVE ISN'T:

• Real Love is not the same as Lust- Love gives; lust takes. Love values; lust    uses. Love endures; lust subsides.
• Real Love is not the same as Romance- Candlelight dinners, mood music, slow dances, and starry skies can make a moment special. Romance can be wonderful, but it's not love. Romance is a feeling; real love is much more.
• Real Love is not the same as Infatuation- Infatuation is a fascination or intense interest in someone. It can be an overwhelming feeling, but it is not real love.
• Real Love is not the same as Sex- Love is a process; sex is an act. Love is learned; sex is instinctive. Love requires emotional and spiritual interaction; sex requires only physical interaction.

Real love is not the same as lust, romance, infatuation, or sex.

WHAT LOVE IS:

According to McDowell there are three ways of behaving that are generally labeled as "love"

• Love If... A kind of love that is given or received when certain conditions are met. You must do something to earn this love; there are strings attached and love is offered in exchange for something else.                                             Love If... often says I love you if you get good grades...If you act or dress a certain way...If you meet my expectations as a lover...If you have sex with me
• Love Because Of...A kind of love where a person is loved because of something he/she is, has or does. You must have a position in someone else's life to earn this love; this love may be temporary and tenuous.          Love Because Of... often says I love you because you're so beautiful...I love you because you're rich...I love you because you give me security... Because you are so funny.
• Love, Period... This is love without conditions, without boundaries and without demands. It is a giving kind of love while the other two above are all about getting.                                                                                                                Love Period... often says I love you in spite of your secrets...I love you no matter how you may change over time...You can't do anything to change my love for you...I love you, period.

Real love is "Love, Period." This is the only true, biblical love. According to the Bible, true love is evident when the happiness, health and spiritual growth of another person is as important to you as your own.

"Love your neighbor as you love yourself" - Matthew 19:19

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